I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
