i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
