My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
