At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
These tits shall not be calmed
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