it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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