are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
