id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
