THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
