After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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