If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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