Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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