are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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