she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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