I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
