Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
