and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
