Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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