So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
