its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
