I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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