Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
