That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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