Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
