Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
