she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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