Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
