He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
