True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
