Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the day after is always just damage control
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
