You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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