why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
