He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
