There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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