Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
