i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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