he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
