Jerry, you need to find god
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
