no, he came in my armpit
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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