One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You're like the curious george of whores
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
