What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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