On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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