I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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