im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
