Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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