Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
