i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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