I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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