Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
