Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
