angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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