My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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