I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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