Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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