I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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