Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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