My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
