Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize