you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
