Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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