I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
