I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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