You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
