I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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