Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
