dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
