Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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