She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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