i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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